Molly (new_age_lite) wrote in ask_buffy,
Molly
new_age_lite
ask_buffy

unseen wallflower

caught up with rose. apparently she's with john again and won't be chasing after or flirting with will (so i hope). i miss will. i haven't really talked to him in a while. thing is, i don't believe in love. or i didn't. i don't believe in the at first sight shit. but this has grown over half a year. i've known my dearest william for a little over half a year. and i'm sadly enough reporting that i am in love with him. and i don't like it. i don't like it since its so fucking one sided. i get close to him as much as i can. i try to ask him questions no one else will, i do whatever i can to help him; i listen. i love the sound of his heart beating or even him breathing. and i hate it. i hate that i notice all of his tiny little qualities and i know how he'll react to most anything. and i know that he wouldn't want me. he wouldn't want molly. he wanted me at some point, then i said i felt the same and it was as if his confession had vanished into thin air. we never talk about that day. we never talk about aussie. i think he's semi-aware, he doesn't tell me about dates and so on like he use to. that or this is just wishful hoping, that he's not with anyone. thing is, i'm willing just sit here and wait for him as long as it takes. i shall be waiting for as long as it takes. even if it takes years, i don't care.

i told rose. she laughed and said, 'again?' and laughed when i told her how i felt about him.

'the other day you wanted nothing to do with him,' she responded laughing.
'because i hate the fact that i feel this way and i just simply talked to him on the phone and....' - m
'thats his charisma getting to you.' - r
'i hate charm.' - m
'then why do you want him so much?' - r
'he doesn't pull that bullshit on me. he tears down the walls when i'm alone with him.' - m
'then why don't you tell him?'- r
'he'll run for the hills.' - m
* silence * - r

i do not like that i feel this way for him. and i wish this feeling would leave me be. i want something good now. i don't want to wait, tortured. but thats what i have to do. will is well, somewhat an charismatic type that everyone loves and the girls like to flock to him.

and then dr. of psychology (nate), is giving me that adoration look. i hope he's not thinking of anything besides friendship, i'm not attracted to him, he's very sweet but... i guess i'm too wrapped up in will. i don't get nervous around nate ever, only if he looks into my eyes too intensely and beyond that its nothing. i want will. i want the one person i am comfortable telling everything.

any advice?
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